Panic

I am feeling panicked.  Perhaps panic has replaced my “nesting” with this second pregnancy since the nursery is ready to be occupied.  I have a million projects in my head that could have and should have been done over the past half decade yet never made it to the top of my priority list.  Now, with 6ish weeks to go, I am feeling the urgency to move them all to the top and get them all done.  Lofty goal.  Impossible goal.  And I’m still so unmotivated to get started. Perhaps it’s my way of reassuring myself that if I have a list a mile long to “to-do’s” then little man can’t come until the list is done and certainly not any time soon.  The funniest part.. is that they can all wait another half decade or never get done for that matter and no one would notice but me.  Silly, I know. That’s where I am at.

I have one child (I won’t name names but his name isn’t Chris) who is expressing that there just isn’t enough Mommy to go around.  He melts my heart and breaks my heart at the same time. He is neat, orderly and likes things just so.  He enjoys crafts, baking and tries hard to please.  He has a gentle soul but a fierce temperament and when he gets his mind set on something, there’s no going back.  He’s been my frequent night visitor and the one who is quick to say “Mommy, you’re the best…” or “Mommy, I love you so much… ”  He melts my heart but leaves me with black circles and puffy eyes each morning as the night visits become more and more frequent.  I think he senses that life is about to change.  On the rare occasion that I try to slip out for some time to myself, he does everything in his power to keep me home.  He wants me to do everything for him from velcro shoes that he mastered at age 2 to catching the last few cheerios on his spoon.  Today I tried to reinforce just how special he was and how big of a job he has coming with a little brother who is going to want to be just like him and he willingly agreed to teach him everything.  I’m hoping a daily reminder will ease his worries and put life back at a more bearable pace.

Chris is my easy, go with the flow man.  He has really impressed me with his willingness to go out of his way to share his last bite of a special treat or to reach an icepack for Mr. A while I try to convince him that ice isn’t needed.  He’s witty, kind hearted and full of trouble.  He has the grin of a devil and a laugh I could listen to all day long.  His temper is not to be reckoned with {they must get that from Mike, right?} and he knows far more than any adult {at least that’s how it goes in his mind.}  He is a night owl but sleeps through the night and seems genuinely excited and interested in being a big brother.  I have high hopes!

And little man…. well, he’s keeping me awake at night, helping me frequent the bathroom and has been showing lots of external movement (waves appearing from outside of my shirt!) for a few weeks now.  He reminds me that he’s there… constantly!  The braxon hicks have picked up and my pants are a wee bit snug.  Cravings ??? I crave my normal jeans, regular breathing and a good old turkey grinder.  All joking aside, I really haven’t been jonesing for anything lately.  Maybe I’m running out of room?  Only time will tell…..

And in the meantime, here are my little men at work…. (Chris, L and Aiden, R)